Monday, July 13, 2015

Six years fly by

Did you know I've been writing here for six years?

Six whole years have zipped past since I took to the keypad with a deep held belief that the world needed to hear what I say.

So here are a few things that have happened since May 2009…                           

I completely failed to write my pioneering saga of female empowerment called 50 shades of hay – where an intelligent woman with a very bright future, gets off with an abusing, domineering, asshole but it’s all okay because he is rich, so she gives up her career and gets herself pregnant by him instead. I imagined it as a really big step forward for women’s liberation, but it turned out that it had already been written.

I stopped being in my Thirties – sad times

My boys grew from being 7 & 4 to 13 & 10 – a lifetime of change at that age.

My wife got six years hotter. Not sure how fair it is that women get so much sexier with age, when we men just fall apart but then I guess we kind of win that one in the long run.

I spent a couple of years writing a weekly column as an Agony Uncle over at In The Powder Room, which was fun but such hard work to be so far out of your comfort zone all the time and then trying to come up with something new, fresh and witty every single week. I really am in awe of those people who can keep that up, and do it so much better than I could. It takes over your life.

My writing won a bottle of Champagne, a Kindle and my short story Enlightened, won a place in a published compendium. Not bad for a mediocre telecoms engineer with naught but a 28 year old English O’Level. Actually that reminds me that it has been a very long time since I wrote any fiction…

I lost and gained important people.

I lost a job, I gained a much better one.

I turned this…
thanks go to Google Maps

Into this.

I've formed some quite surprising virtual friendships with folk from all around the world – Australia, America and even Uley. Never heard of Uley? No I hadn't either, I'm not sure I even knew where Gloucestershire was, never mind Uley,  and yet there are a whole bunch of people there that I've never met but feel like I know and really like – work that one out! If you’d tried telling me that back in 2008 I’d have derided you somewhat energetically.

And that’s just me, and only really a snapshot of what’s gone on in that time. I am aware that there have been some big events around the world that have unfolded in that time too – I considered listing them to really show how much has happened in six years but then I realised that this is Glen’s Life – the clue is in the title…  

So instead of doing that I've told you about me, now I throw it over to you, please tell me, what has happened to you in the last six years?  - What’s gone on in your lives?

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Because teenagers are humans too - apparently

I have a question for you…

If Dodos and T-Rex are extinct but Teenagers aren't, is this proof that God has still got a strop on about Eve eating the Apple?

Adam and Eve’s somewhat prolific begetting went on to make them the Mother and Father of humanity, if you believe these things, but not until after they’d managed to notch up a heavenly grudge that would last for eternity.

You can’t tell me that if there really is a God, of any name, up there directing our lives, that the existence of Teenagers doesn't reveal a somewhat dark and heartfelt hatred of parents.

It’s not so much a Divine Plan, more Define Pain.

More Malevolence than Providence.

They (Teenagers) just do not make sense. I thought women were hard to fathom until my son turned 13 – then I realised that the occasional compliment, maintaining a well-stocked wine fridge and resisting the urge to dry hump them while they clean up cat sick is all it really takes to keep women happy. Ladies – you aren't all that complicated after all…

Whereas my 13 year old baffles all known Science.

If you asked Stephen Hawking, “What is the point of teenage boys?” He’d blink slowly for a couple of minutes before emitting a sort of grinding noise followed by a little light coming on to indicate an empty battery – even though his wheels suspiciously manage to slowly inch him out of the door.

You get these tiny pockets of time, moments that flash by like lightening, when the person in front of you becomes human, returns to the wonderful, beautiful, boy you remember running excitedly at you for a cuddle when you walked through the door. He is still in there, deeply embedded inside the shell of Beelzebub.

And when the moment passes – the Devil returns.

The one that lies.

The one that screams.

The one that threatens.

The one that cannot and will not EVER accept the word “no” as a viable response.

I really miss my Son. The lovely one, the one who only occasionally pops in to visit me these days – I sometimes feel that he has already left home, leaving behind this grumpy, moody, self-absorbed doppelgänger.

I worry about him too. I see the pain in his eyes as he tries to make sense of the world around him, tries to find his way towards adult relationships and responsibilities – tries and occasionally fails. I see the anger in his eyes as his parents do the same. I may understand that he is trying his best to find his path but he can never understand that, as parents, we are doing exactly the same – trial and error parenting. Occasionally we get it wrong as we try to find that balance between giving him his freedom and his ‘oh so vitally private’ digital presence against protecting and advising him.

We try so hard to trust him and let him go it alone, and then he says or does something that reminds us how young he is and so we pull him back – rightly or wrongly? Who knows? All I know is that there are days when I go to bed feeling like the worst father in the world, feeling like I’ve let him down – again.

But above all of that.

Above all of the shouting and the confusion, the broken promises and the phone calls from School.

We love him.

And always will.

I just wish he’d talk to us like we are his parents, rather than a lump of dog poo he’s found on his shoe.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

The space that shouldn't exist

And the tears flow.

And the space before you is empty.

The space that shouldn't exist.

A barren future taunts you as it spreads slowly out away from you. It isn't the future that it promised it would be.

It’s wrong.

It’s changed.

She’s gone.

Careful smiles are shown from all directions, full of strength, of support, and of love.

You are surrounded by love.

And yet you are alone.

Alone in the space that shouldn't exist

And your heart breaks all over again.

And the tears flow.