My company’s Easter / Christmas party 2011 is done and, so far, I have not been sacked. I call that a result.
I’m afraid I did get somewhat wobbly towards the end. I know I found it a struggle to drink my last pint and though I can clearly remember drinking it and then going to bed, I struggle to remember any clear detail, I certainly can’t remember what I was talking about. Actually I can. I wasn’t saying anything because speech had left me. When I opened my mouth I was just saying “habbblefloodlywobblesmudge” or something very like that. Mind you it was four in the morning by that point and we had started drinking almost 12 hours earlier, so I think a little uncoordinated mouth action is to be expected really.
I remember a tale an old mate told me about a drinking session he had been on with his brother. It got to the point where Stan (my mate) could no longer speak properly and his brother could talk but had lost the use of his legs. So they resolved the issue of not being able to fetch more beers by Stan carrying his brother to the bar so that he could do the ordering for them. Well I felt pretty much like that but without the aid of a mouthpiece, so I forced back the last dregs of whatever lager it was and bounced off to my hotel bed.
It really was a very good night.
After last year’s event being held in a Soho Transsexual bar, it came as no surprise to find that our party was held somewhere like TheCircus in Covent Garden. I’d worked out from the website that it might be a little racy but I was wrong. It was very racy.
My photos, taken on my trusty Nokia with its 3 pixel camera (no I didn’t say MegaPixel) and no flash, don’t really work too well, but just about shows you the direction it went in. It was a little more burlesque than I’d imagined. For me the highlight was definitely the fire-eater especially when she whipped her bra off to reveal a shiny set of Nipple Tassels (Pasties?) that she promptly set light to and spun around in various directions – now that is talent.
The beers and vodkas and cocktails flowed. Nibbles came and went. I laughed at other people and I laughed at me, because I know for a fact that I am comedy gold when I’m a touch inebriated. Well I do at the time anyway; it wears off after a day or two and I suddenly wake up thinking – “I said what?!”
One thing that did catch me out were the toilets, as they were a bit ‘Ally McBeal’. They had a communal bit where you wash your hands in this bizarre fountain thing, at least I think you were supposed to wash your hands in the fountain – it’s possible that I completely walked past the sinks. Anyway , this section was joint and there were a couple of doors through to the actual toilets. Now I eventually figured it all out but the first time I used them I wasn’t totally up to speed, so I wasn’t 100% sure that the actual toilets weren’t mixed as well. Which is why when I came out I coughed and informed the ladies standing around the fountain that they should “give that a couple of minutes”. Oddly they chose instead just to walk out. I’ll never understand women.
Still, I lived. I hope you do as well. If you have a party to go to this year, just drink your way through it is my advice.