When practical jokes go wrong...

I’ve spoken about my mate Craig before.

You remember him – kickboxing, Robot dancing part-time doorman and nappy changing expert?

That’s him.

Anyway.

One craze that occasionally resurfaces in the office is to apply someone’s face as the background on people’s desktops if they leave their PC unlocked. This then leaves the – ahem – hilarious impression that the victim loves and must be stalking the person whose face is on their screen.

We do laugh a lot in our office.

Really.

Anyway.

While working late the other day, Craig phoned up and asked if he could use our mutual mate Simon’s PC, as he knows Simon has some specific software that Craig wanted to use.

Reluctantly Simon let him have the password and left him to it.

Craig being Craig, and not entirely unexpected to Simon, a little fun jape was left behind. Craig had left a photo of himself as Simon’s background. Not just any photo, but a very specific photo of Craig. This practical joke was intended to shock, surprise and eventually amuse Simon, and to be fair – it worked.

However, I also saw it.

I’m slightly crueller than Simon is.

I pointed out that by giving Simon this photo willingly, Craig had also given him full publishing rights, to do with it whatever he wanted; which Simon accepted without making any attempt to actually research the legality of the claim, which is a shame -because neither did I.

Simon decided that what he wanted to do with it was to give it to me, as well as ensuring that I knew I was allowed to publish it however I chose.

So….

The first thing I did was to send the following email out to almost everyone in our company. The second thing I did was to copy and paste that same email here. I don’t have many friends…

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All,

Please note that I am absolutely fed up with things of mine going missing in this company.

The manner, in which people assume that if something is not locked away, and instead kept in a public place, it is therefore theirs, is just not on.

You did not buy it – it is not yours – FULL STOP.

Earlier this week I left some honey in the kitchen. A brand new jar and it was not cheap.

Today, only two days later, I notice that even though I have only had one spoon out of it, the jar is empty.

I assure you I will not rest until I find the culprit, and will take full action possible against them, as I truly feel that it is theft.

I have spoken with people about it, and managed to work out some suspects as well as see some interesting video footage from that camera in the NOC.

I have managed to get some stills from the CCTV that has captured a suspicious character, loitering around the kitchen out of hours, who I would very much like to speak with in relation to the missing honey.

If anyone recognises this person, please call me so that I can rule them out of the enquiry.

Your anonymity is assured. Thanks.

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