Anyhoo, back at the penthouse my brain had heard the message from my lips loud and clear and only had one word for me… Marmite! Her lips and breath stank! Who can possibly kiss a girl that stinks of fricking Marmite? I coughed as I fell back from the couch. The spell was broken, the perfect moment lost.
Lulu looked at me in horror, her face scrunched in confusion as she tried to work out what had just happened. I had to think fast. Half a tube of toothpaste and a couple of days eating real food would soon cure her rank breath; I couldn’t risk throwing it all away now for something that could be so easily cured. There had to be a way out of this. I racked my memory for lines from some of the movies I’d seen or worked on for something that would help. The only film that came to mind was ‘Back to the future’ and suggesting that kissing her was like kissing my brother just didn’t seem like a good option.
“It’s not right Lulu, I just can’t take advantage of you like this, you are upset and vulnerable, I couldn’t face myself – I couldn’t treat you like that! I want you to want me for the right reasons; I want this to be perfect!” They were lies of course, had she cleaned her teeth I would probably have already finished taking advantage of her by now, but they were good lies. I had to turn away from her because I just couldn’t contain the grin that had spread across my face for coming up with such good lines – I really am brilliant sometimes. Behind me I felt her hand on my shoulder and then it moved to be joined by the other hand around my waste. “Breeze, I’m so sorry that I blackmailed you before – you are such a nice man. Thank you so much for giving me some self respect back. I will be feeling better soon, I want to see you again, I want more of this Breeze, I want to do everything with you!”
I’d cracked it, now I had to resist the urge to offer her a mint and then ask if she was feeling better yet, I had to leave the room quickly before LB realised what she had just said.
Wordlessly, I took her hand and kissed it, turned and walked out of the flat. I knew that I had played it perfectly. She would want more alright, and she would be getting it, just as soon as I thought I could get away with it.
I decided I needed some air, so I walked home. I’d got a taxi on the way on the assumption that I was going to be there for the night, but I decided that a long walk home would be nice. I needed to think, to sort out this mess and decide where it was going. After all, this woman had many faults. She was somewhat intolerant of people who didn’t fit into her vision of ‘normal’ for starters. Then she had tried to blackmail me so she wasn’t exactly the most trustworthy person in the world. Her limited understanding of family planning was worrying me, although I figured it would be quite a lot of fun trying for a baby with her. The problem was that for every fault, she had an answer. Lulu entraps you in her presence, beguiles you without a word, just by a single bat of her perfect eyelashes. I’ve never been near eyes that stunning, or a neck so delicious – don’t even ask me about that arse!
I walked for miles without once looking up. I was lost in thought, my world was destroyed, I would never be my own man again – from now on I was hers and I knew it. I laughed as I realised that I’d actually left that room thinking that I’d played her – of course I hadn’t, I’d never at any point been in control. I was Lulu’s, I was hers completely.
I laughed again because I knew that I wanted it this way, I wanted to be owned by this woman, and I wanted it bad. The best thing about it was that it really was going to happen. I could clearly see that all barriers were down. It would only be a matter of days before we would be together. Lulu wanted me, I wanted her. Everything was perfect. “THANK YOU LIFE – I LOVE YOU WORLD!” I screamed into the air as I looked over at the Thames shining perfectly under the perfect moonlight.
It was then that I shivered, the night may have been perfect but it was also cold. I went to pull my jacket around me but quickly realised I wasn’t wearing it. No wonder I felt cold, I’d left my jacket at Lulu’s. Confused from the heat of the moment inside her arms, I’d completely forgotten to pick it up when I left. The thought of having an excuse to go back and pick it up warmed me as I finally worked out where I was and found my way home.
When I got in I poured a warming Brandy and sat back in my comfy chair to congratulate myself on being so brilliant. The phone rang and I let it go to answer phone. “Breeze its Lulu. You absolute bastard, I can’t believe you have done this to me… I need you back here RIGHT NOW! Get your arse here FAST!”
The Brandy spilled onto the floor as I dived, just too late, for the phone. What the hell? I had not been ready for this; all expectations had been overwhelmingly exceeded. The gentleman inside realised that I’d worked up quite a sweat walking home so I dashed to the bathroom and gave LB a quick wash in the sink. I grabbed a pack of ribbed condoms, Lulu was special after all and deserved only the best. I pocketed some chewing gum as well, just in case she needed it, grabbed my keys and ran out of the door. Life was just about to get interesting.
Right I have to go and take Calista a burger – never stops eating that woman.
Ciao.
4 comments:
I knew the bad breath wouldn't get in the way.
I am worried about this. No rigidity is going to affected by Marmite. There is more to this than meets the eye.
Marmite is powerful stuff
I need a dictionary, stat!
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