My new hero



wagner-carrilho.co.uk

 Finally a celebrity I can identify with. At last I have a hero! I’ve been waiting a long time to have a singer in the charts that I can emulate and idolise, and now it is looking like I’m getting one.


For those of you who are unlucky enough not to watch the mighty Simon Cowell’s X-Factor every Saturday here in Britain, I guess it is time to educate you about Wagner Carrilho.

As far as I am concerned Wagner is a god. Not the God obviously, just a god.

This man is everything I’ve always wanted to be, in short he is Breeze Van Santo personified. In a few years, when I’m smiling patronisingly at J.K. Rowling, and asking her how she gets by on such small earnings, it will be Wagner that is playing Breeze in the films.

This is a guy who in no way shape or form can sing a single note in tune, looks awful, can’t dance, and genuinely believes that women adore him. Oh no, I’ve just realised he isn’t Breeze at all – he’s me! The thing is that he makes me laugh out loud. I absolutely love his misplaced confidence and self belief. I’ve already said why that is on my post about body image. I think that it is just the same in men as it is in women. Confidence in yourself, is the biggest most important hurdle to jump. Once you have it you have everything.

Every week he has to patiently stand there while his so called mentor (who probably spends 20 minutes a week standing in the same room as him for the cameras) gets his name wrong. Okay let’s put it like this, those of you who don’t already know (either about this guy in particular or just the name in general as he isn’t exactly the first famous musician to use it) probably have read this and, in your heads, have been pronouncing the W in Wagner. If I were to tell you now that the W is said as a V and so his name is therefore pronounced Vagner, I’m thinking that you are all intelligent enough to understand, accept and remember that – right? I think that from now on when you see me write Wagner you will internally think it as Vagner. And yet those who are on stage telling him how great he is and pretending to have his career in their best interests, especially the one man who shouts loudest that he is this man’s mentor, cannot get it right. How rude? How can you stand there pretending to spend all your time with someone, moulding and shaping their future, when you haven’t even listened to his name? It shows you just how false and misleading these programs are, how staged and corrupt the system is. I may be cynical, and indeed I am, but if you ever wanted proof that the ‘judges’ don’t really spend their time with the acts, but instead the teams of minions do it all – there it is.

Wagner is an absolute arse, but you get totally enwrapped in his personality, you can’t help yourself. I love that he thinks that he acts so coolly about the sexy dancers around him, but needs eight crane drivers in scuba gear to reel his tongue back into his mouth. This guy is not cool, he is not good looking, he has no talent and yet I want him to win. Essentially, I want me to win.

I did actually write in to Simon Cowell asking for a job as one of Wagner’s backing dancers as it looked like the kind of job I could enjoy (for non Brits there appears to be a bit of a theme with his dancers involving breasts which is right up my alley). I haven’t heard anything back yet but I will keep you posted.

Anyway, fingers crossed my man will go on to have a huge career after his time on the show. If he does then perhaps the tables could be turned, maybe I could play him in the film of his life?

Oh yes come on!