Clandestine agendas

Clandestine - now there’s a word. I love that word. Clandestine is one of those words that is simply perfect for its purpose. As soon as you say it you feel the dark jiggery-pokery and shenanigans that it describes. It just works.


Another one used to be an Orange. How perfect and simple a name is that? Perfectly fits its owner, so much more so than any other fruit. Let’s face it you hear the word Apple for the first time, look at a tray of fruits and would struggle to pick it out after three attempts, but if you were asked to pick the Orange you would get it one right? Sadly, the ridiculous people who run our orchards decided that was too simple, too common. Now we have to pass a Naval or a Tangerine, try correctly selecting a Satsuma on a tray of Clementines inside four attempts if you can.

Don’t even get me started on Pomegranate – what the hell is that supposed to be? How the hell are you supposed to work out what that is from its name? Mind you Gherkin works, for some reason Gherkin seems to fit itself amazingly well.

Sorry to be coarse but gusset is another one. No doubt about it, gusset is a perfect word that instantly does what it says. Actually the imagery on that is so clear, I’m going to have to go and have a cup of tea before I continue.

So why is it that some words fit so perfectly while others are just nonsense? An example of that can be seen in the wonderful world of computers, where we have laptops and desktops. One of those names fits perfectly as we do indeed sit and burn our laps with it but the other? Who keeps a desktop PC on the desk top? No one, that’s who – in fact you are 99% more likely to use a laptop on a desk top than a desktop and that is a FACT! (Bob told me that in the pub after three pints of Guinness)

Another one, which isn’t a real one at all but came to mind when I said about making a cup of tea and won’t go away until I write it down, is ‘The Makings’. I’m sure this slang phrase is used all over the place but I remember The Makings from my time in the Navy. It is a simple term used to cover everything you need to make a good cup of tea. The Makings consist of kettle, water, full fat milk, sugar, spoon, large mug, tea bags and Digestive biscuits. Why bother asking if someone has all those things when you can just ask “Have you got The Makings? I’m spitting feathers here” I know it doesn’t really fit the subject put it does work perfectly and the notion refused to get out of the way so I could think of anything else to write, unless I wrote it.

Any way this whole post has been a clandestine attempt to find out what your most perfect words are and which ones you hate. Which words do you think fit their purpose spot on, and which make no sense at all?

Is jiggery pokery a real word? Spellchecker doesn’t like it but if it isn’t – why isn’t it? It should be – just saying.