having fun in the toilet

Happy Monday to you – I hope all is well?


I thought I’d write a quick one today, to tell you about a minor toilet mishap that happened to me last week. This might be the point where you wander off to read No Missed Opportunities instead, but don’t panic – I won’t be painting a perfectly clear picture of the event with the elegant brush of powerful writing, what do you mean “I know you won’t, I’ve read your writing before”? That’s just rude…

Anyway, back to the toilet.

On the morning of the whole Ewan McGregor and Emily Blunt escapade, last week, I popped to the toilet. As I sometimes do. I don’t want to get too detailed, but I was carrying a newspaper, if that helps. I slipped into the cubicle really quickly, barely opening the outer door which, on reflection, might have been where I went wrong. The sensor for the lights is deeply inside the office toilets and I suspect they didn’t realise I’d entered the room. Instead the lights were still busy counting seconds down from whenever the person before me had left the room.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Things, for me, had just started to get interesting when CLICK. The lights went out. With no windows for natural light, when I say the lights went out, I mean the lights went out.

I sat in pitch black trying to read the paper by the light from my phone’s screen and wondering if I’d be able to do a suitable clean up job in these conditions. I tried waving my arms about, but knew full well that the light sensor couldn’t see me.

I considered phoning someone to ‘come and meet me in the toilets, as I really need you RIGHT NOW’, but swiftly spotted the major flaws in that plan and flopped dejectedly back to attempting to finish off the job in hand with my eyes closed.

Eventually, just as I was about to become forever glued to the seat, someone came into the room and headed for the urinals.

SALVATION!

The lights clicked on and I heard the silent, bemused “!” as a head tried to understand why the toilet was engaged when the lights had been off. I felt I ought to help him out a little so I cheered loudly and set to work sorting things out at my end. I heard a whimper as a very scared adult male fled the room, probably with his flies still undone.

Lesson learned; always go for a quick walk around by the urinals before taking a seat. If I did nothing else of worth that day, at least I was able to save others from my own fate by passing that nugget on.

Happy Mondays people!