I’m pretty certain I got away with the near death experience I suffered this weekend, nobody noticed.
It was horrible – a true disaster (based on Man Flu diagnosis, it’s a killer – just ask a doctor).
Okay some might try and politely suggest that it wasn’t so bad – but I most definitely do not agree.
It was Saturday evening and the sun was shining. We had been invited round to some friends for a BBQ and were having a great time. The meat was cooked to perfection, the beer cold and the Bouncy Castle, bouncy. Yes they had a Bouncy Castle in the garden, yes I went on it – how could I not?
Later I was dragged into a game of football (I say I was dragged, it was more a case of me pointing out that if I wasn’t allowed to play we were going home). The game was going well, I think I was winning. Then I was tackled.
The tackle was by a horizontal gymnastics bar that was hanging between the two posts that I cunningly had dribbled the ball through, in order to potentially score a goal at last. The bar was for the kids and was therefore at my head height.
Of course I didn’t see it – why would I?
Not wanting to alarm anyone I jumped back up off the floor and laughed it off, desperately looking around to see who had seen the crash. With massive relief I realised it was only the boys who had noticed. Immediately I passed it over as nothing, but went and sat down anyway – my eye was hurting slightly (mildly anesthetised by the Carlsberg) and I was feeling more than a little embarrassed.
Waking up the next day I could immediately feel the effects, because my head was hurting and my mouth was very dry (a sure sign of a very bad injury). In fact I was feeling quite rough and can only really attribute this to the accident. Surely the lager can’t have played a part in this headache?
You can rest assured that I have contacted my lawyer, there were absolutely no warning signs or cones in place to protect innocent drunken footballers from injury. I have taken a photo of my hideous disfigurement and near fatal injury to use as part of the defence on my case (mainly because it will have cleared before I will have chance to show anyone official).
Don’t worry too much though, I am recovering well and hope to be up and about within a week. In the mean time Jo is doing a lovely job of looking after me, bringing tea and coffee, food and clean ironed Jim Jams – that kind of thing. In fact I could do with a cup of tea now come to think of it, now where is Jo? I’d ring the bell for her but it’s too painful to shake it, what on earth possessed her to shove it up there, anyway?
It was horrible – a true disaster (based on Man Flu diagnosis, it’s a killer – just ask a doctor).
Okay some might try and politely suggest that it wasn’t so bad – but I most definitely do not agree.
It was Saturday evening and the sun was shining. We had been invited round to some friends for a BBQ and were having a great time. The meat was cooked to perfection, the beer cold and the Bouncy Castle, bouncy. Yes they had a Bouncy Castle in the garden, yes I went on it – how could I not?
Later I was dragged into a game of football (I say I was dragged, it was more a case of me pointing out that if I wasn’t allowed to play we were going home). The game was going well, I think I was winning. Then I was tackled.
The tackle was by a horizontal gymnastics bar that was hanging between the two posts that I cunningly had dribbled the ball through, in order to potentially score a goal at last. The bar was for the kids and was therefore at my head height.
Of course I didn’t see it – why would I?
Not wanting to alarm anyone I jumped back up off the floor and laughed it off, desperately looking around to see who had seen the crash. With massive relief I realised it was only the boys who had noticed. Immediately I passed it over as nothing, but went and sat down anyway – my eye was hurting slightly (mildly anesthetised by the Carlsberg) and I was feeling more than a little embarrassed.
Waking up the next day I could immediately feel the effects, because my head was hurting and my mouth was very dry (a sure sign of a very bad injury). In fact I was feeling quite rough and can only really attribute this to the accident. Surely the lager can’t have played a part in this headache?
You can rest assured that I have contacted my lawyer, there were absolutely no warning signs or cones in place to protect innocent drunken footballers from injury. I have taken a photo of my hideous disfigurement and near fatal injury to use as part of the defence on my case (mainly because it will have cleared before I will have chance to show anyone official).
Don’t worry too much though, I am recovering well and hope to be up and about within a week. In the mean time Jo is doing a lovely job of looking after me, bringing tea and coffee, food and clean ironed Jim Jams – that kind of thing. In fact I could do with a cup of tea now come to think of it, now where is Jo? I’d ring the bell for her but it’s too painful to shake it, what on earth possessed her to shove it up there, anyway?
2 comments:
Well no wonder England is out what with such grievous injuries. Rest up for next year.
Appears soccer is a dangerous game when too many beers are involved...;)
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