Summer time and the barbeques are primed, beer is chilling and life is good.
For the first time since the production of my first little clone way back in 2001, we have decided to hold a BBQ for a big group of friends, and the hope is that we will get a good crowd in. Friends from both sides of the marital fence are invited, from work, from netball and wherever as they once were so long ago.
On that occasion we were all so much younger, and living in Harrow, so all of our mates were easily able to find us. Jo struggled a little, 8 months pregnant on a hot Summers day, but at least it meant that she didn’t embarrass me by making me duet with her, Karaoke style, singing ‘I got you babe’ again.
Now we are sensible parents and living way out of London and so the pressure for me to produce some friends is on.
Dragging folk out of London for drinks is notoriously hard though. If the underground doesn’t stop there then it doesn’t exist.
Jo on the other hand is based locally, and so has a ready supply of friends. I’m going to wind up looking like Mr. Bean at his New Years Eve party aren’t I?
My little roped off section of the garden will consist of me and the kids while Jo and her friends spread out across the lawn. No doubt the visiting children will all wind up being pushed towards me as people assume I’m running the crèche.
I’ll have the last laugh though because women cannot cook on Barbeques (rules are rules) so while me and the boys tuck into hot dogs and burgers, they will have to eat the 50 different types of salad that they will all no doubt have created out of three tomatoes, an avocado, some mozzarella and a bottle of balsamic (no man knows how or why women produce so much salad at barbeques, they just do).
What has really made me laugh though, is the different way that people react when you ask them over.
There are two actual reactions but 7 possible meanings.
Men’s reaction:
“I’m not sure, sounds good – I’ll have to check”
Meaning:
That sounds good, hopefully I’ll be there – I just need to ask my Missus if we can come, hopefully yes.
That sounds good but I know my Missus won’t have any of that so the answer is no.
I can’t really be arsed.
Women’s reaction:
“Yes – sounds good”
Meaning:
Yes, I’ll tell my hubby that I am going.
Yes, I’ll tell my hubby that he is bringing me.
“I’m not sure, sounds good – I’ll have to check”
Meaning:
That sounds good, hopefully I’ll be there – I just need to check that the girls aren’t planning anything better first.
That sounds good, but it’s a long way so I need to check if I can be arsed on the day.
I can’t really be arsed.
Only women seem able to give a decisive answer without needing to consult anybody, what has happened to this world? When did us men lose control of things?
I’m sure that we are supposed to be the decision makers, isn’t that why our salaries are higher?
The truth is simply that at some point in the past the power was given up and that is that. Perhaps things will be different when Prince Charles becomes king. His first kingly duty should be to reinstate our marital rights of decision making.
Until then, I will just have to put the garden snakes and ladders game out to entertain those kids.
For the first time since the production of my first little clone way back in 2001, we have decided to hold a BBQ for a big group of friends, and the hope is that we will get a good crowd in. Friends from both sides of the marital fence are invited, from work, from netball and wherever as they once were so long ago.
On that occasion we were all so much younger, and living in Harrow, so all of our mates were easily able to find us. Jo struggled a little, 8 months pregnant on a hot Summers day, but at least it meant that she didn’t embarrass me by making me duet with her, Karaoke style, singing ‘I got you babe’ again.
Now we are sensible parents and living way out of London and so the pressure for me to produce some friends is on.
Dragging folk out of London for drinks is notoriously hard though. If the underground doesn’t stop there then it doesn’t exist.
Jo on the other hand is based locally, and so has a ready supply of friends. I’m going to wind up looking like Mr. Bean at his New Years Eve party aren’t I?
My little roped off section of the garden will consist of me and the kids while Jo and her friends spread out across the lawn. No doubt the visiting children will all wind up being pushed towards me as people assume I’m running the crèche.
I’ll have the last laugh though because women cannot cook on Barbeques (rules are rules) so while me and the boys tuck into hot dogs and burgers, they will have to eat the 50 different types of salad that they will all no doubt have created out of three tomatoes, an avocado, some mozzarella and a bottle of balsamic (no man knows how or why women produce so much salad at barbeques, they just do).
What has really made me laugh though, is the different way that people react when you ask them over.
There are two actual reactions but 7 possible meanings.
Men’s reaction:
“I’m not sure, sounds good – I’ll have to check”
Meaning:
That sounds good, hopefully I’ll be there – I just need to ask my Missus if we can come, hopefully yes.
That sounds good but I know my Missus won’t have any of that so the answer is no.
I can’t really be arsed.
Women’s reaction:
“Yes – sounds good”
Meaning:
Yes, I’ll tell my hubby that I am going.
Yes, I’ll tell my hubby that he is bringing me.
“I’m not sure, sounds good – I’ll have to check”
Meaning:
That sounds good, hopefully I’ll be there – I just need to check that the girls aren’t planning anything better first.
That sounds good, but it’s a long way so I need to check if I can be arsed on the day.
I can’t really be arsed.
Only women seem able to give a decisive answer without needing to consult anybody, what has happened to this world? When did us men lose control of things?
I’m sure that we are supposed to be the decision makers, isn’t that why our salaries are higher?
The truth is simply that at some point in the past the power was given up and that is that. Perhaps things will be different when Prince Charles becomes king. His first kingly duty should be to reinstate our marital rights of decision making.
Until then, I will just have to put the garden snakes and ladders game out to entertain those kids.
2 comments:
So I'm just gonna turn my woman card in and agree with you here.
All the best barbeque-ers are men. Maybe that's stereotyping, maybe I just need to broaden my friend spectrum. Its true.
And yes. I would give my right arm for my husband to get his decision making ability back. Seriously. He asks me for permission for EVERYTHING. WHY? I hate it. He's 30 years old.
Ugh.
I THINK we had a great barbecue yesterday with friends and family. Wait a minute while I check with the wife...
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