This weekend we were blessed. We had guests, and the pressure was on!
Our guests were Jamie’s classroom gerbils. My 5 year old son’s school pets were finally ours for the weekend. My son has been waiting for this event all year, and has been visibly a little disappointed every Friday when he returned home empty handed. Jo and I, however, have been dreading it.
We know nothing about gerbils and from the moment it was confirmed we were having them, we started to get stressed. Can you even imagine the damage to your child’s reputation and confidence if he has to go back to school on Monday with an empty cage? He would never be forgiven and from that day on would be friendless and unable to develop socially in any way. Clearly we would have to move schools, how could we not. But we would forever be looking over our shoulders in case the skeleton came out of the closet and outs our son as the gerbil killer.
Ben 10 and Minnie-May (named by the class, in fact they are both female apparently. I’m going on what the letter said though – I didn’t check) are very cute but somewhat smelly, I can’t say I’ll be rushing out to buy one. They are also noisy. Three times I came running down the stairs carrying Daniel’s plastic baseball bat to scare off burglars, only to find out that the noise was the gerbils experimenting with their sexuality (actually though, I probably did look quite scary because my all too lose shorts kept working their way down my legs). Maybe I should have left the video camera on a tripod, I’m wondering if there is a niche market on the Internet for girl on girl gerbil porn?
Jamie came home on Friday beaming from ear to ear with pride. He was the absolute centre of attention with his peers, and was revelling in it. Daniel, on the other hand was not so impressed. Jealousy was written all over my big lad’s face as he kept hinting that the doors could accidentally fall open and then they would escape! Daniel was all mouth and no trousers though, because he was besotted by them (not that he would admit it).
I’ve spent the weekend in a state of stress. Clean their water, check their food – NO don’t feed them that! SHUT THAT DOOR! I’ve been running round keeping the outer doors shut tight in case Harry comes in and sees them, that cat would go bananas! On Sunday night I came down and noticed Minnie-May wasn’t moving. I quickly whipped her out of the cage and began CPR. I was just performing mouth to mouth when she started wriggling. I’d have been happier had Jo not chosen that exact moment to come and see what all the noise was. I’ve tried explaining but Jo just keeps showing me her hand and shaking her head. Things are quite tense, but I’m hoping we can work our way through this. It didn’t help that she saw my browsing history when I was trying to research if there was money to be made from gerbil porn.
Thankfully the pets made it through the weekend, and this morning I carried them back to school as Jamie proudly paraded me to his friends. Ben 10 was looking a little shaken by the ride, but I reckon as long as she makes it through the morning then we are in the clear.
As an aside, I’d just like to announce that if any of you read my earlier post, about when I tried to take a project management course during a nasty bout of diarrhoea, then you will no doubt be excited to hear that I re took the course earlier this month and found out today that I passed the exam. So I am now Prince2 Practitioner qualified and can manage any project you like. If you didn’t read the post then you probably don’t care about that, if this is the case then at least I hope you are enjoying the photos.
Is it OK to get excited when you see your work place on TV? Ages ago there was a TV crew, filming near my work. I never saw any of this happening; I just know they were there. Rumours went round that it was for Ashes to Ashes, the most excellent British series set in the 1980’s, following on from the even better Life on Mars. On Friday night we were sat glued to the latest episode, when suddenly they were busting some drugs on Tabernacle Street! I was ecstatic. I jumped up grabbed the remote and froze the action. There in the background was my office! Right there on TV behind Gene Hunt’s head. Jo sighed and said “When you have finished wetting yourself, do you think you could press play, as I was watching that!”
Fully reprimanded I went back to the action. Is it acceptable to find the sight of somewhere you work on TV so thrilling though? If it is, how do people who actually work in TV studios cope? If you worked on a long running soap for example would the feeling fade?
It’s no wonder celebrities do so many drugs if every time they put the TV on they see their workplace up close. Has anyone ever been to the cinema with a film star? Half way through the action do they jump up and start jabbing the screen shouting “THERE LOOK! Behind his head – that’s where I was, just there, that’s the pub we drink in! That’s amazing!” Or are they a little cooler about it?
Answers on a postcard please.
Our guests were Jamie’s classroom gerbils. My 5 year old son’s school pets were finally ours for the weekend. My son has been waiting for this event all year, and has been visibly a little disappointed every Friday when he returned home empty handed. Jo and I, however, have been dreading it.
We know nothing about gerbils and from the moment it was confirmed we were having them, we started to get stressed. Can you even imagine the damage to your child’s reputation and confidence if he has to go back to school on Monday with an empty cage? He would never be forgiven and from that day on would be friendless and unable to develop socially in any way. Clearly we would have to move schools, how could we not. But we would forever be looking over our shoulders in case the skeleton came out of the closet and outs our son as the gerbil killer.
Ben 10 and Minnie-May (named by the class, in fact they are both female apparently. I’m going on what the letter said though – I didn’t check) are very cute but somewhat smelly, I can’t say I’ll be rushing out to buy one. They are also noisy. Three times I came running down the stairs carrying Daniel’s plastic baseball bat to scare off burglars, only to find out that the noise was the gerbils experimenting with their sexuality (actually though, I probably did look quite scary because my all too lose shorts kept working their way down my legs). Maybe I should have left the video camera on a tripod, I’m wondering if there is a niche market on the Internet for girl on girl gerbil porn?
Jamie came home on Friday beaming from ear to ear with pride. He was the absolute centre of attention with his peers, and was revelling in it. Daniel, on the other hand was not so impressed. Jealousy was written all over my big lad’s face as he kept hinting that the doors could accidentally fall open and then they would escape! Daniel was all mouth and no trousers though, because he was besotted by them (not that he would admit it).
I’ve spent the weekend in a state of stress. Clean their water, check their food – NO don’t feed them that! SHUT THAT DOOR! I’ve been running round keeping the outer doors shut tight in case Harry comes in and sees them, that cat would go bananas! On Sunday night I came down and noticed Minnie-May wasn’t moving. I quickly whipped her out of the cage and began CPR. I was just performing mouth to mouth when she started wriggling. I’d have been happier had Jo not chosen that exact moment to come and see what all the noise was. I’ve tried explaining but Jo just keeps showing me her hand and shaking her head. Things are quite tense, but I’m hoping we can work our way through this. It didn’t help that she saw my browsing history when I was trying to research if there was money to be made from gerbil porn.
Thankfully the pets made it through the weekend, and this morning I carried them back to school as Jamie proudly paraded me to his friends. Ben 10 was looking a little shaken by the ride, but I reckon as long as she makes it through the morning then we are in the clear.
As an aside, I’d just like to announce that if any of you read my earlier post, about when I tried to take a project management course during a nasty bout of diarrhoea, then you will no doubt be excited to hear that I re took the course earlier this month and found out today that I passed the exam. So I am now Prince2 Practitioner qualified and can manage any project you like. If you didn’t read the post then you probably don’t care about that, if this is the case then at least I hope you are enjoying the photos.
Is it OK to get excited when you see your work place on TV? Ages ago there was a TV crew, filming near my work. I never saw any of this happening; I just know they were there. Rumours went round that it was for Ashes to Ashes, the most excellent British series set in the 1980’s, following on from the even better Life on Mars. On Friday night we were sat glued to the latest episode, when suddenly they were busting some drugs on Tabernacle Street! I was ecstatic. I jumped up grabbed the remote and froze the action. There in the background was my office! Right there on TV behind Gene Hunt’s head. Jo sighed and said “When you have finished wetting yourself, do you think you could press play, as I was watching that!”
Fully reprimanded I went back to the action. Is it acceptable to find the sight of somewhere you work on TV so thrilling though? If it is, how do people who actually work in TV studios cope? If you worked on a long running soap for example would the feeling fade?
It’s no wonder celebrities do so many drugs if every time they put the TV on they see their workplace up close. Has anyone ever been to the cinema with a film star? Half way through the action do they jump up and start jabbing the screen shouting “THERE LOOK! Behind his head – that’s where I was, just there, that’s the pub we drink in! That’s amazing!” Or are they a little cooler about it?
Answers on a postcard please.
8 comments:
You mean to tell me you didn't check out the nearest gerbil retailer before you got them home? Silly.
And as for gerbil porn, that's probably a non-starter. I've heard they don't like dutch ovens either.
Well done on passing your Prince 2 - not only do I remember the post but I knew what that qualification was without you having to tell me. I'm down with the kids I tell you.
It's definitely de rigeur to jump up and down excitedly when you see your work place on the telly. Or your old work place in fact. All totally fine.
Wow - you are so cool knowing what P2 is :-) I like that tip though - always scout round local pet shops for body doubles. will do!
If I am ever in a position where I get the classroom gerbils, I will quickly take all-angle pictures and check out my nearest pet store to ensure they have some that are identical. :)
I'm glad you made it through the weekend relatively unscathed. :)
good thinking - it pays to be prepared!
I remember enough rumours about Gerbils and a certain aging male actor that I know better than to Google "Gerbils + porn" (wonder if he's ever seen his favourite pet shop in one of his own films). Anyway, hope any imagery you found doesn't linger too long.
james@doodadblog.com
Mr. Gere and his amazing erotic menagerie
Very funny post. Please follow up with the Gerbil porn. We have two (outdoors) and it would be great to help them spice up their love-life.
I can be the Dr. Ruth of the Gerbil world
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