Lost letters from Rudolf

These absolutely genuine letters were recently discovered in the loft of that man who pretended his Son was trapped in a helium balloon.




6th December.
Mum,

Well it’s been 3 days since I arrived here in Lapland and so far it’s been ok. As you know I’m the first to arrive as the others are all starting back on the 8th. The only other person here is Mrs. Claus and she has been very friendly and helpful. As it was Mary (she lets me call her that!) who gave me this job its been really nice that she has been here these few days. Any way I must go now as I need to go and take her into town. How is Dad? Hope you are well Love Rudolf.


9th December
Mum,

Everyone else is back now and I have to say it’s not any way near as much fun. As they were getting off the train I could see all the other reindeer just stood staring at my nose! I realise that my nose is a little shinier than is normal but you have always told me that it’s because I’m special. There is this one specific deer called Blitzen who has been really quite horrible about my nose. He has nicknamed me Red Nose and now everyone is calling me it. I’m not sure I like Blitzen.

20th December
Mum,

I’m really fed up now Mum, things here have gone from bad to worse. I finally met Santa and when he saw me he just started laughing and shouting fog light at me, now everyone is calling me that too. I’ve tried doing what you told me to do in your last letter and joining in a bit but it is difficult. Yesterday they were playing Scrabble and even though there were only three of them playing they still wouldn’t let me play with them. Donner said that my nose was putting him off concentrating on his words. Then I went outside where Prancer and the others were playing Army but they wouldn’t let me play that either because no one wanted me on their side as my nose gives their position away. I was worried that if I don’t fit in here and not even Santa likes me then I could wind up losing this job and having to come home. Mrs. Claus has been nice and said not too worry because Santa can’t sack me apparently because he has to keep his special numbers up or something like that. Any way the big day is coming up soon so I’d better go and practice my flying I suppose. Loads of Love, Rudolf.

24th December
Mum,

Just a quick note before we get going. It’s been an odd day, everyone is a bit quiet. It’s been like that since your lawyer sent that big letter to Santa the other day. Everyone has been very polite to me but never friendly. They still won’t play with me but they just disperse and do something else instead whenever I approach. Santa Claus is in a terrible mood and has been arguing with Mrs. Claus a lot. I heard him shouting about political correctness being mad or something and he threw his copy of the Daily Mail at the TV. I hope everything goes well tonight as maybe that will cheer him up. I suppose he is under a lot of pressure so I should be more understanding really. It’s very foggy outside which is a worry – I hope we can still go out later. Happy Christmas to you and Dad, love Rudolf.

25th December
Mum,

Well you would not believe what happened last night. Santa came over and said that he needed a fog light on his sleigh and then pointed at me and laughed! Can you believe it? I’ve never felt so humiliated. He made me go at the front of the pack and lead the way. This is all very well but he kept the SAT NAV on the sleigh and just kept pulling on some bits of rope that he’d attached to my head whenever he wanted me to go left or right! It was horrible. All of the other reindeer loved it and laughed that tonight would go down in history. Every time Santa came back from another chimney he’d have a load of extra crumbs in his beard and as the night wore on he stunk more and more of Sherry. Then he would start coming over and patting me heavily saying that he had nothing against my type at all and then he would make me eat a carrot. As you know I hate carrots but he just kept on forcing me to eat them and then pointing my head about like it’s a torch or something. This went on for an eternity, I can’t describe how long we were out there enduring this but it felt like forever. I’ve already submitted a very stern letter of complaint into the Elves' HR department about this appalling event and so am hopeful that it will be resolved soon.

30th December
Mum,

Thanks again for all your kind help and lovely words that have helped get me through this ordeal. Your Lawyer's letter arrived today and things have already started to change. I noticed that Santa spent 3 hours earlier fitting a brand new super bright torch to the front of his sleigh so there’s no way he will need to abuse me like that again. Meanwhile everyone has been busy getting ready for a celebration of some sort. Donner said it was a special thank you party for me tomorrow night. We are going to have a big BBQ apparently and I am the star guest. Dasher says that they are relying on me to make the BBQ special. I’m quite excited, things are really starting to change here. Santa said he’s going to have a special plaque made of me to hang on his wall – what an honour. Any way I must go as I’m being given some more oats – this is another thing, since the meeting with HR I’ve been on double oats rations – my favourite. Love to you all, I hope your New Years Eve party goes as well as I think ours will, Rudolf.

24th March
Rudolf,

Hello Son, I thought I’d write as your Mum is getting quite worried. We haven’t heard from you since December. I do hope your new found celebrity and popularity hasn’t gone to your head. Don’t forget us here as your Mum has always tried her hardest for you even when times were very hard. How was the BBQ in the end? Love Dad.