Reality Sit-Coms

I shared a classic sit-com moment today. When I say ’classic’ I really mean it because I think Harold Lloyd was the first person to fall for it in one of his earliest silent movies. Since Harold it has been repeated in endless copies and from Sid James to Lenny Henry it never fails to raise a smirk.

Even when you are the actual stooge in the gag, as I was today, it has still made me giggle all the way to the laptop.

She was pretty, with long blonde hair and a cheeky smile. We shared a knowing smirk as a very tired lady struggled to cope with the packed tube. The doors were open and there was a wall of commuters between her and the doors that she was going to have to get past. This being London she was left with a problem, how to get by a load of people with there backs to you without saying anything. Our friend silently swayed from side to side looking for a gap and stood on tip toes to try and see a possible route. What made me smile was the way that she went directly from complete silence to utter outrage so fast. Why could she not have taken a moment to give saying “excuse me” a try? Even “Can I get by?” would have helped, but nothing at all was said as this would have constituted a conversation.

Suddenly this quiet lady erupted and with a massive scream of “Oh for Heaven’s sake!” she roughly pushed an unsuspecting man sideward’s and forced her way through.

I shared an amused eyebrow raise with the girl next to me and the pair of us added a wry grin for good measure. Commuters were getting on so I moved away over to the side and went back to thinking about bacon. This had been more than the acceptable level of communication with a fellow passenger anyway so I thought no more about it; the moment had passed. But the moment had not passed!

My new admirer was looking right at me and smiling still. Confused I looked up to see if she was OK and as I did so she broke out into a laugh. WOOAH crazy alert bells were sounding off in the carriage as people desperately tried to edge away though no room was available. I smiled back thinking that it was best to be polite, the encounter had been mildly amusing but no way funny enough to merit laughter so I wasn’t really sure what to do next.

Laughter stopped but she kept on looking over and smiling and occasionally trying the amused eyebrow thing again! I considered my options and decided that if I tried to leave the train in order to get back on it further along I might not be able to get a place so I gave up on that idea and decided to stick it out. There were plenty of witnesses about if she got a bit over excited after all.

I repeatedly looked about to see if there was anyone behind me but all those that were behind me were facing the other way. Not one person in her eye line was acknowledging her existence. It was definitely me she was after! I cursed my Beckham like pheromones and wished I had not but an extra squirt of Right Guard on this morning. How was I going to get out of this one?

At Edgware Road some space opened up and she came straight over. With a very stern look (the eyebrow stayed firmly down) I opened my mouth to speak, I’d lined up a good opener about how it’s such a nightmare how long it takes to get home to see my lovely wife and how much I’d missed her that day just as she squeezed right past me to the massive gentleman stood directly behind me. His head was bent over as he loomed right up to the roof of the train.

Every time I’d looked around I’d failed to do the one thing that would have saved the situation – look up. I’d noticed that she kept bobbing her head up and down when she was looking at me but had just assumed that this was to do with her mental illness and so had let it go.

And so I got off at Paddington to the sounds of giggling and phrases like “In your dreams Shorty!” Ah well, never mind – Harold would be proud that his legend lives on.