desperate sales pitches

What is it about being in the sales end of any business that makes people all the same? There’s something about the job that demands a certain type of person to do it in order to succeed

The lady at the Clinique counter in Boots today was classic example (can’t say what I was doing there as it’s a secret). I stood there with some products in my hand trying to remember what I bought last year when from my right flank came the attack.

“Hello, can I hep you sir? Are you looking for yourself or someone else?” were the slow deliberate words that floated into my ears on a cushion of velvet. I looked up into the face of whatever it was that was asking the question. It’s difficult to be absolutely certain what she was due to the 8 inch thick layer of makeup that covered her face. The overpoweringly familiar scent of someone that works next to the perfume tester bottles forced its way into my head.

Slowly I tried my ‘uncertain if I want to pay that much’ act in order to try and induce a sweetener to the deal. I am the world’s worst haggler and it’s not uncommon for me to walk away without being offered the standard freebie that might usually come with an item; still I continue to try it on in the eternal search of a bargain Eventually I’m fobbed off with a ridiculously gaudy empty bag that is identical to the never used one from last year and I proceed to the checkout.

She is literally about to press the key that would complete the transaction when she decides to go for broke. “Oh I’ve just realised that there’s a really good package we have that has these items in that might suit you better!” “?” I replied knowledgeably, “Yes it has these two tubs in it as well as this endless list of other magical items that a lady’s skin simply must have to survive; things that you will never be able to comprehend in that uneducated man head of yours, things with names that I am telling you right now but you are neither interested nor listening!”

“Does it? What is that then?” I offer and am led to a shelf where a large box containing an impressive array of lotions and potions sits with a ribbon around it. I agree that it does indeed seem a much more pleasant present to receive than a simple jar or two and think to myself that I maybe ought to go with this reasonable suggestion. My eyes eventually settle on the price tag. Then my eyes wander off for a bit before returning to the tag. I ask the lady if there has been a mistake but no, I’ve read it right.

Yet again a sales person has spotted my inability to shop with confidence and tried to smack me in the privates with it. This glorious package of Clinique’s finest skin care products which I was being offered as an aside cost more than three times the amount of the items I was trying to buy! Three times!

I mean, if you are trying to up-sell to an unconfident buyer then maybe show him a package that is 20% more or maybe even double if you want to try it on but she blew it. Greed for an easy commission drove her to go for a prize way out of reach and so I held firm and bought only what I went in for and not a penny more was spent.

Mind you she never got round to giving me the free bag, presumably as revenge for the fierce “Do I look like a complete Banker to you?” comment I’d given her at the shelf.