Christmas show time at school and we have had a letter back saying what costume our child needs to be wearing. Every year this brings on the same problems, I had decided last year to start collecting costumes through the year so that we would be ready but completely forgot.
What I think should happen is that the school should decide in June who will be playing what so that you have some time to get the sequins box out. As it is you have to try and be ready for anything. This year it’s my 5 year olds first ever school play and we are very excited as you can imagine. I’ve not planned well, I’ve prepared all the wrong outfits. I was ready with a really convincing Joseph costume complete with sparkly tea towel and sandals that light up with fairy lights every time he takes a step. I have a brilliant Angel Gabriel sheet sewn up with tinsel halo. I was even stood by with an accurately recreated copy of a traditional inn keepers outfit from 200 years ago that I researched at the National History Museum and then adjusted at Hawkins Bazzarr. I made a gold bar out of wrapping paper and a brick which added to the Joseph costume (plus crown instead of tea towel) made a brilliant King and the Joseph costume again but with the sandal lights turned off and a walking stick made for a great number one shepherd outfit.
So I was ready; I’d thought it through and all of the lead parts were covered. I Could not believe that any teacher worth keeping wouldn’t have noticed the star quality of my child and so he should definitely get one of those roles and most probably Joseph so I’d spent the most time on that one getting the sandal lights working. I remember a few years back being outraged when Daniel came home to say he going to be Myrh – I mean Myrrh? Myrrh always stands at the back of the three kings and only gets one line, “I have brought you Myrrh – No I don’t know what it is but My Missus gets through loads of it!” I was so cross with the teacher that I refused to sign Daniel’s reading diary for 2 months.
Last night I got home to find that the fateful letter had arrived detailing costume requirements and I shook with excitement as Jo stood and read out the letter in the style of Dermot O’Leary reading the results on X-Factor. Jamie needs white trousers. What does he need white trousers for? Hang on, Angel Gabriel wears white, they must just be updating the angels a bit to make them more modern – fair enough that can be sorted easy enough.
A SNOWFLAKE! A snowflake? How can he be a snowflake? Snowflakes don’t talk they just mill about and dance a little and then sit down out of the way whilst the serious actors get down to work don’t they? How can this have happened, clearly there has been an administrative error on this, Jamie must have brought the wrong letter home.
I’ve made an appointment to see his teacher tomorrow and should be able to get this cleared up quite quickly I think. I won’t stick the other costumes in the loft just yet, as I’m sure once she thinks about it his teacher will realise her mistake. I reckon he is good for at least Herod who is the last of the big roles but the least glamorous due to his evil so this role may not have been allocated yet.
I’d have thought that word would have spread, if not it certainly will this year. Last year Daniel finally made it to Joseph and I was the proudest Dad in the room telling the crowd to shush just as he was about to speak a line. I’d spent a quite a bit of time rehearsing with him so I knew when they were coming. Joseph delivered his lines perfectly and the reviews were fantastic, I think the Times called him the next Russell Crowe and the telegraph hailed him the hero of the day for rescuing an otherwise lacklustre and poorly acted piece of work Needless to say his teacher got a very nice bottle of wine, some of Sainsbury’s finest hand soap and Ferrero Rocher as a present at the end of term.
This year I shall be heading down the 99p shop for Jamie’s teacher’s Christmas present and hope to come home with some change in my pocket, so hopefully the message will be received and understood for next year!
A snowflake? I’m going to have to take a few days off work I think. First I need to get the sewing machine out and see what I can do to adapt Gabriel’s costume, perhaps some silver glitter and turn the tinsel halo into a scarf or something? Then I need to set to work with Jamie’s coaching, Somehow I’ve got to get him into character, I need some snow; how can we be expected to ‘understand’ what goes through the mind of a snowflake without snow?
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