Claustrophobia is a funny old thing. It’s got me into a few scrapes over the years. I’m only mildly claustrophobic and it’s more a fear of crowds really – I’ll have to look up the proper word for it later. It’s definitely a mixture of the two phobias. I get quite stressed in crowds and confined spaces which for a London commuter is a right laugh I can tell you!
On my own when I know exactly where I’m going I’m ok. I can deal with that, I may not like it much but I’m used to it and can more or less relax. A soon as you throw something else into the mix though I start to panic. If there are issues on the line & I have to find a re route around it then I get worried. I’m not used to the route, I’m not sure where I am, I stress. Added to this worry is the fact that a lot of other people are having to make the same detour and so the route is double packed. My heart is racing by this point sweat pouring off me.
Worse still is when I’m with someone. Even if it’s just a friend who is more capable on the tubes than I am, it still throws the balance off for me. I feel pressured to stay with them and maybe even chat instead of just concentrating on relaxing and so the stress levels rise. If it’s someone I care about and feel protective of such as my Wife then I really start panicking. Jo is more than capable on the tubes, she lived in London long before I did but this is not important. I feel responsible for her safety and so immediately I slip into stress mode. The confined space and close proximity of people constantly on my mind. Don’t even consider how stressed I feel when the boys are with me – it’s really not pretty.
I think the first time I can really remember understanding that this illogical fear had the better of me was when I was 11 at School. I’d got really lucky. I’d managed to get a girlfriend. Oh yes and she was nice. She was also credited with being – let’s just say – friendly! VP as I’ll call her was nice and we had been seeing each other for a little while though I’d not yet been able to drum the nerve to kiss her! I was a little nervous but had pretty much got over that and was ready.
I had been out for the day round Newark one weekend with VP, my mate Stephen and another girl. We popped into the most romantic place we could think of – the multi-story car park. Ah yes we were quite classy. In the lift Stephen leapt into action and jabbed at the buttons until the lift jammed between floors. Once the lift was ‘stuck’ Stephen immediately set to work snogging his girl. VP stood and waited, smiling. I froze. I was stuck in a lift. The lift was small and there were ‘crowds’ of people in there taking the air! I couldn’t stand it, I could feel the sweat on my back and so I did the only thing any sensible young lover would do; I shouted for help! I shouted and shouted until someone came to our rescue.
Once out of the lift I turned to my friends and smiled in anticipation of some serious gratitude for saving their lives. I pursed my lips ready for that first kiss which was no doubt about to be given to me as a reward for being a hero. The three kids stood and stared at me. “Everyone OK?” I asked making sure they weren’t in shock from their ordeal. They shook there heads and walked on. I followed wondering how people could be so ungrateful.
Monday at School saw me dumped and wondering why so many people were laughing at me. I can understand where I went wrong now of course. With hindsight I must have been demonstrating as much cool as Screech from ‘Saved by the bell’. If that program had been invented back then I reckon I would have earned that nickname for life that day. Clearly what I should have done was coolly use the alarm bell and then sit myself down low in order to conserve energy and air, perhaps I could have started singing ‘behind the quartermaster’s stores’ in order to keep everyone’s morale up whilst we awaited rescue. Hindsight and experience are wonderful things.
Never mind - I’ll just keep on being cool and calm, as long as the train is not too crowded!
By the way -- Enochlophobia is the Fear of crowds apparently – just rolls off the tongue doesn’t it? Agoraphobia is a similar one.
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