Getting some serious merit points in when you have a baby is quite easy. There’s many simple ways to impress. The simplest of all is doing the shopping.
However don’t think that by sitting at the computer ordering a delivery is going to get you anywhere because it won’t and besides you’d be missing the idea. No, to get the points you have to do it the hard way. And that means loading up with the baby and all the paraphernalia that goes with it – changing bag, car seat, spare clothes for baby, spare clothes for you, emergency milk, emergency toys. It means loading up with any spare kids that are also loitering in the house and going directly to the shop after ensuring that the mum knows not to bother cleaning up the house as that can wait until tomorrow. Today the lady is to rest.
I say go directly to the shop but some extra points can be found by going to the park first with any of the extra kids that you may have. This keeps them happy and also gives the mum a little extra Jeremy Kyle time. Then go to Tescos.
This chore should not be taken lightly. It’s a great responsibility strapping a new born into a shopping trolley in a way that means he doesn’t have to hold the eggs and be safe when child number two decides he wants to push. But eventually you are set and here is where the good bit comes.
Shopping with a baby is great. There are very few hardened crones who can resist the sight of a little baby in a trolley. The sight of a ‘new’ dad pushing it turns them even further into mush. Every aisle brings a new smile of approval from the ladies. Every shelf hides a woman who can’t wait to come and make a fuss. I used to love popping out and doing the shopping and both my boys loved the attention too. Daniel especially used to milk his moment, gurgling away and smiling at anyone in a low cut top.
I remember one time in particular at the checkout in Harrow Tescos. I was packing the goods and out the corner of my eye Daniel spotted a nice blonde girl with impressive assets heading our way. I think he must have sensed that she hadn’t seen him and his eyes, having spotted a hefty looking snack, decided to tell his brain to take action. His arm jutted out and literally stopped her in her tracks. Blonde girl stopped, bent over and cooed and smiled at Daniel and at me. This was great I was getting points at home whilst chatting to a very nice lady. Then she laughed and headed off. I didn’t like the laugh, it wasn’t a friendly follow me one at all. I looked in my hand and noticed the pack off women’s ten inch thick industrial strength pads that I was mid way through packing when she turned up and realised the small flaw in the whole idea. Never mind it was still fun.
Needless to say I still had to unpack the shopping on return home in order to fully achieve maximum points but hey ho. My wife got a rest, I got an eyeful and Daniel very nearly got a picnic, everyone’s a winner!