A few years back Jo and I were lucky enough to get some free tickets to a celebrity packed event from a friend who was working on the show. We both love a bit of freebie action and so were in the car in no time. It was a great day, relaxing in the sun watching a conga line of familiar faces go past, and then drinking in the bar all night noting the different ways they interacted with each other. For instance Michael Douglass and Catherine Zeta-Jones at the next table to us very clearly had family around them and made it quite clear that they wanted to stay undisturbed with them, which is fair enough. Ronan Keating swanked about with a posse of yes men, trying to look cool and credible, whilst most the others just got hammered and joked about with each other.
Being as bad as I am at recognising people it was nice to be so closely surrounded by faces that I knew, genuine A to Z listers. The event was the first All star Cup - a celebrity Ryder Cup golf challenge to be shown on SKY, devised by Ant and Dec and hosted rather ineffectively by Jamie Theakston. Celtic Manor Resort near Cardiff was the stunning location, we’d spent the day waving at the people who we were now very nearly, drinking with. I’d cheered at Sir Steve Redgrave (later to share a lift with and say “All right?” to), Mr. Douglass & Wife, Jodie Kidd and the little lad from The 6th Sense film. I’d laughed at Chris Evans, James Nesbitt and Ian Wright and sat excited at seeing the Man from Atlantis – I’m so old.
Now I was sat getting slightly drunk in their bar. The beer was turning us from normal everyday people who are a little excited at seeing famous people, into fully fledged celebrity stalkers. Jo had fallen in lust with James Nesbitt as had I with Kirsty Gallagher, neither of whom was up for a swap it turned out, as apparently we weren’t on their “Ok to have” lists. Jo found her bladder to be uncommonly small and kept on having to walk past them to go to the toilet, helping herself to a pinch of Mr. Nesbitt’s bottom as she squeezed through the small gap by the bar instead of going around like everyone else. The excitement of a fleeting glimpse of Terry Wogan keeping us going while the next round of drinks were fetched was beginning to take its effect, I heard a whoosh of air that turned out to be Jo at full gallop, she’d spotted Matt Dawson getting into a lift in the lobby. She sprinted across the floor and slid in as the doors closed, emerging minutes later with a smile on her face. I probably should have been concerned but Jo had spent the lift ride pointing out that Chris Evans and Ian Wright had been much funnier than his own pairing and better at golf as well, the much deflated rugby player had mumbled that he was gutted and jabbed furiously at the buttons until the doors opened, he vaulted out at the next stop after deciding to use the stairs instead. There are good reasons why Jo and I get on so well.
The moment we first saw Robbie we knew we had made it! This was the pinnacle of our star spotting lives. Little Rob walked about aimlessly by himself for a bit and then left, returning 2 or 3 times later to do the same. The lager had worked its magic by this point and I think we knew that we were going to have to talk to him about something; something clever that would engage his interest and no doubt force him to invite us out to L.A. for tea. As a group on our table we had been discussing an earlier visit to Stoke that we had been on and the funny looking place we had seen whilst there, in my mind this appeared to be a good place to start. Suddenly I realised Jo had disappeared again, looking about I could see that she was already in full flow telling Robbie how things are. She had questioned him on why he keeps returning to the bar if he’s not drinking and was currently arguing with him about his answer. His poor attempt to suggest that he was looking for his mate being completely ignored by Jo who was instead suggesting that it was because he loves attention. “No I’m looking for my friend!” he foolishly tried to persist, only learn that there is no point interrupting Jo after she’s invested in a bottle of PG and has a bee in her bonnet, “No you just love it, you love getting all this attention don’t you? Will you look up and stand straight? I’m not standing here for my own good you know, OK when we are all quiet I shall continue, now as I was saying…” is how I assume the conversation was going from my own past experience. I decided that Robbie needed some help; a show of support from his fellow man. I went over to them and fully helpfully blurted out, “Have you ever been to Monkey World?”
Mr. Williams looked and stared at me in confusion, apparently he had never heard of Monkey World, to be fair I hadn’t either until a few weeks earlier and even then we hadn’t actually gone in to it. “What?” he asked, “Monkey World – you know monkeys and that?” He shook his head in disbelief, I don’t think he’d ever had a pair of fans quite as rubbish as Jo and I. “Where is it?”, “In Stoke yeah! Stoke - come on yooooo Stoke!” I think my supportive singing of his home town anthem may have been the point where we lost him. Five minutes of being corrected by Jo, followed by some drunken ape talking about monkeys was not the way he had imagined his night progressing. Weren’t fans just supposed to tell him that they love him? I’ll never forget the look on his face as he quietly asked if I minded that he wanted to continue a conversation with the person that he came in with (not realising that we knew he had come in alone), and then turned and practically tripped up the person who was about to walk straight past, hastily starting up a conversation with him instead! I imagine that this conversation had nothing to do with monkeys and probably started with, “Hey I’m Robbie Williams, and you may remember me from such songs as ‘angels’ and ‘let me entertain you’…”.
Funnily enough, we don’t get many freebies given to us anymore since Equity took out that court injunction on the pair of us.
Being as bad as I am at recognising people it was nice to be so closely surrounded by faces that I knew, genuine A to Z listers. The event was the first All star Cup - a celebrity Ryder Cup golf challenge to be shown on SKY, devised by Ant and Dec and hosted rather ineffectively by Jamie Theakston. Celtic Manor Resort near Cardiff was the stunning location, we’d spent the day waving at the people who we were now very nearly, drinking with. I’d cheered at Sir Steve Redgrave (later to share a lift with and say “All right?” to), Mr. Douglass & Wife, Jodie Kidd and the little lad from The 6th Sense film. I’d laughed at Chris Evans, James Nesbitt and Ian Wright and sat excited at seeing the Man from Atlantis – I’m so old.
Now I was sat getting slightly drunk in their bar. The beer was turning us from normal everyday people who are a little excited at seeing famous people, into fully fledged celebrity stalkers. Jo had fallen in lust with James Nesbitt as had I with Kirsty Gallagher, neither of whom was up for a swap it turned out, as apparently we weren’t on their “Ok to have” lists. Jo found her bladder to be uncommonly small and kept on having to walk past them to go to the toilet, helping herself to a pinch of Mr. Nesbitt’s bottom as she squeezed through the small gap by the bar instead of going around like everyone else. The excitement of a fleeting glimpse of Terry Wogan keeping us going while the next round of drinks were fetched was beginning to take its effect, I heard a whoosh of air that turned out to be Jo at full gallop, she’d spotted Matt Dawson getting into a lift in the lobby. She sprinted across the floor and slid in as the doors closed, emerging minutes later with a smile on her face. I probably should have been concerned but Jo had spent the lift ride pointing out that Chris Evans and Ian Wright had been much funnier than his own pairing and better at golf as well, the much deflated rugby player had mumbled that he was gutted and jabbed furiously at the buttons until the doors opened, he vaulted out at the next stop after deciding to use the stairs instead. There are good reasons why Jo and I get on so well.
The moment we first saw Robbie we knew we had made it! This was the pinnacle of our star spotting lives. Little Rob walked about aimlessly by himself for a bit and then left, returning 2 or 3 times later to do the same. The lager had worked its magic by this point and I think we knew that we were going to have to talk to him about something; something clever that would engage his interest and no doubt force him to invite us out to L.A. for tea. As a group on our table we had been discussing an earlier visit to Stoke that we had been on and the funny looking place we had seen whilst there, in my mind this appeared to be a good place to start. Suddenly I realised Jo had disappeared again, looking about I could see that she was already in full flow telling Robbie how things are. She had questioned him on why he keeps returning to the bar if he’s not drinking and was currently arguing with him about his answer. His poor attempt to suggest that he was looking for his mate being completely ignored by Jo who was instead suggesting that it was because he loves attention. “No I’m looking for my friend!” he foolishly tried to persist, only learn that there is no point interrupting Jo after she’s invested in a bottle of PG and has a bee in her bonnet, “No you just love it, you love getting all this attention don’t you? Will you look up and stand straight? I’m not standing here for my own good you know, OK when we are all quiet I shall continue, now as I was saying…” is how I assume the conversation was going from my own past experience. I decided that Robbie needed some help; a show of support from his fellow man. I went over to them and fully helpfully blurted out, “Have you ever been to Monkey World?”
Mr. Williams looked and stared at me in confusion, apparently he had never heard of Monkey World, to be fair I hadn’t either until a few weeks earlier and even then we hadn’t actually gone in to it. “What?” he asked, “Monkey World – you know monkeys and that?” He shook his head in disbelief, I don’t think he’d ever had a pair of fans quite as rubbish as Jo and I. “Where is it?”, “In Stoke yeah! Stoke - come on yooooo Stoke!” I think my supportive singing of his home town anthem may have been the point where we lost him. Five minutes of being corrected by Jo, followed by some drunken ape talking about monkeys was not the way he had imagined his night progressing. Weren’t fans just supposed to tell him that they love him? I’ll never forget the look on his face as he quietly asked if I minded that he wanted to continue a conversation with the person that he came in with (not realising that we knew he had come in alone), and then turned and practically tripped up the person who was about to walk straight past, hastily starting up a conversation with him instead! I imagine that this conversation had nothing to do with monkeys and probably started with, “Hey I’m Robbie Williams, and you may remember me from such songs as ‘angels’ and ‘let me entertain you’…”.
Funnily enough, we don’t get many freebies given to us anymore since Equity took out that court injunction on the pair of us.
2 comments:
Ah! Mr Nesbitt. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!
How could I forget that incident. Anyway I thought you were taking the monkey, especially when 'Monkey World' is in Dorset. Unless you were talking about 'Trentham Monkey Forest' which is in my neck of the woods!
RW
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