Meeting Susan Boyle

Oh dear, I think I’ve just managed to put my foot in my mouth again. I’ve dug myself down deep without a ladder and allowed words to come out without asking my brain for permission again.

Paddington Station is supposed to be quite a good place to go to see celebrities coming and going, their masks removed and engaging in their daily routine. This is what I’m told, but I’m so unobservant and rubbish at remembering a face that I never see any. The best star spot I’ve had so far was Justin Lee Collins getting off the train from Bristol, all very good but no Tom Cruise. I’ve always been this bad at noticing people around me, when we watched my Brother-In-Law run the London Marathon I spent the whole day looking for celebs but came away with a tally of just one star to my wife’s enviable twelve, and to be honest I only really saw Paula Radcliffe as a blur from behind.

With the above in mind, you can imagine how exciting it was for me this morning when I bumped smack bang into Susan Boyle. I was just stood in the queue waiting to get off the train, we were about a hundred yards outside of the station waiting for the green light to park up. When I looked to my left I’m certain that I saw Susan Boyle sat reading Harry Potter, I’d only just been reading about her exploits in The Metro. This is actual news I thought, this is current, Susan Boyle is the nation’s favourite to win so I was quite impressed. Before my brain had chance to take in the full picture and think for a minute, my mouth sprang into action.

Glen: “Hey, good luck in the final tomorrow”
Susan: “What’s that Boyo?”
Glen: “Good luck with tomorrow and everything with the Britain’s Got Talent final. What are you singing – Christina’s Beautiful?”
Susan: “I don’t know what you are talking about bach”
Glen: “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to draw attention to you, you probably need to rest, I’m just a fan”

At this point my ears were trying to point out to my mouth that the Welsh accent was wrong (especially the way I write it), also I was starting to notice that quite a few people around me were suffering from a nasty cough, but I continued anyway.

Glen: “So who do you think is your biggest rival then, Flawless or Diversity?”
Susan: “Look see I don’t know what you are going on about, now p**s off!”

Fortunately the doors opened and we all surged forward off the train at this point, how rude she appears to have become after such a short spell of fame. I have definitely decided that she has lost my vote and that I’ll now be phoning for Diversity instead, or maybe even Stavros Flatly. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, the Father from Stavros Flatly is sat opposite me on the tube right now; I think I’ll say hello…